Within me is a multitude of emotions today. There is joy, anguish, exhaustion and peace all within the same breath. I saw my grandmother for the first time in over 13 years yesterday. She is quite ill, in the hospital recovering from a heart attack - and at age 86, her body is beginning to give way to nature. The truth is, we had a falling out of sorts when I was a senior in high school. It's a long story, but suffice it to say, we were both at fault for not attempting to reconcile before now. Pride got in the way; immaturity, time and distance have a way of creating a divide that seems too large to fix.

But Monday, after a conversation with my brother, he encouraged me to seek out the truth of the matter. I had believed for years that she did not care - that there was total coldness with regard to me. I assumed. Lots of things, I assumed....but one of them being how she felt about me. And truthfully, I didn't want to see her, for fear of what she might say. Afterall, it had been 13 years. But later that afternoon, in a conversation with my dear hubby John, he confirmed what I felt the Lord asking of me - to go. Go to her, and make peace. Go to her and extend the olive branch. The Lord calls us to forgive - to live at peace with everyone as much as is possible within our ability. Now don't get me wrong- my flesh rose up within me immediately. You can't go. What will she say? What if she is ugly to you? The thoughts flooded my mind. Again the Lord confirmed within me to be faithful. Okay Lord, if you are asking this of me, make the path clear...arrange babysitting, etc. And he did. That's SO God - to take care of the details when He brings things like this to me.

So Tuesday morning, I walked into the ICU of The Medical Center of McKinney with my brother. He spoke first - and told her I was there with him. She had been on a respirator until earlier that day, so she was very weak and could not speak well. It was at that point I wanted to run - abort! ABORT! Run - save yourself the agony of rejection!!!!! But my feet were like concrete, and then my eyes met hers. And what happened next, I don't think I will ever forget. I think I said something corny like "Hey it's been a while". Or something like that. It didn't matter. Her eyes lit up. Her arms reached out - She didn't wait - she grabbed me and pulled me down to her. She began to hug me as tight as her arms could and rub my back. I could hear her trying to talk - she was saying over and over - "Forgive me, I'm so sorry. I love you. Forgive me, I'm so sorry. Remember that I love you." Over and over she said the same...Amazing. Grace. We sat for an hour or so, making small talk, mostly stuff she could nod yes or no at. It was unbelieveable how so much distance and time could be removed in an instant. I know that being there, at that moment in my life was exactly where I needed to be, and that really, at the end of the day, this is what life is all about. It's about letting go of our selfish pride and insecurities. It's about reaching out to people that have hurt us, and forgiving.

After our time with her was over, we said our goodbyes and left. It was bittersweet knowing that I may never see her on this earth again. But it was worth every mile I drove. It was a long drive home last night...6 hours in a car by yourself can give you a lot to chew on. In some ways, this healed old wounds, yet opened new ones. But I'll deal with them. One day at a time, as the Lord leads.